The opposite of love

The opposite of love, is hate right?

Women are emotional creatures. While men speak of honor and how their words bond men together, never do women offer the same.

Men are bound by their words, a promise is worth its weight in gold from an honorable man. A man who spoke yesterday, is still responsible for his words today. The order of freemasons, samurai and knights were all-male institutions which uphold a code of ethics, something greater than any one member. Never has such a thing existed with only females.

Women are emotional. Their words and actions are all dictated by ebbs and flows. She may have said “I love you” yesterday, but she may not mean it today. It’s transient to a women, everything they do is operated by ‘how they feel, in the moment’. Feelings can change at a moment’s notice, which is why mood swings and volatile women are significantly more common then men. Men are not often moody, if they are it’s seen as a personality trait, not a mood swing “He’s always like this, he’s just an asshole, you don’t know him like I do”

When you are out with a woman, it is necessary to invoke emotions. Without invoking emotions, you are lost. This is why nice guys who don’t act on their sexuality and their intentions with a girl, end up losing. They take a girl out to dinner, they watch a movie, and they talk. It is a brutality.

Women crave leadership, they crave spontaneity, and they crave excitement. You take her for a coffee or a movie and you are doing what every other guy out there is already doing. She will be bored, it will be regular and normal, and you will fall into the routine of being a friend, not a potential mate (fuck).

You need to create an emotional ride for her, it does not even need to be positive. If you create anger and frustration it’s still much better than boredom or routine. A woman does not need to like you to sleep with you, attraction is not a choice.

This is why when you break up with a girl and cause incredible heartbreak, it is always possible to get her back. You invoked powerful emotions in her, and the switch from negative to positive is much easier than weak to strong.

However, if a girl breaks up with you, there is very little you can do to get her back. If it got to the point where she had to make the decision, she took control of the situation, and executed(all masculine traits) then you are lost. At that point, she has no emotions towards you, and it is not worth the uphill battle to fight.

We have all dealt with rejection and the friends ladder, and we’ve all had passionate fights with our girlfriends and lovers. Make up sex is far more frequent than getting an old friend to fall for you.

The opposite of love was never hate.

It’s apathy.

Poker is the single best analogy for life

As a poker professional I get to see a lot of men from many different walks of life. The mindset in how they approach the game and how they play the game differs greatly, but the similarities between poker and life are stunning and numerous.

Nobody cares

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard a bad beat story from both professional and recreation players. People just can’t help themselves from playing the pity card and asking for group acceptance. Nobody cares that you lost a $1000 pot, and nobody cares that you stubbed your toe on the way to the shower this morning. Everybody is here for themselves.

The world isn’t fair

I know you want to tell everybody your problems and complain that you lost a pot, or that you missed your bus on the way to school. Bad things happen to good people. If poker (or life) was 100% fair, and the best, most able players won every time like in chess, nobody would play poker. The underdog story is what captivates us, just like the lure of winning a big jackpot, or beating a world class player. Because luck plays a role in the short term, the bad players convince themselves they are good, just like the beta who knows the way to her heart is 3 years of friendship.

The short term is longer than you think

There is no quick fix to success. I have gone on for weeks taking bad beat after bad beat. You must trust the process, develop your good habits, and trust that your hard work will be rewarded. If you work every day at something, the compound interest will build and you will find success eventually. I once lost 14 hands in a row for thousands of dollars, when the odds of that happening were over 1000 to 1. I have also seen guys run up $60 to over $10,000 over a few hours.

You are alone in this world

Nobody is hear to help you. Everyone is sitting down with the implicit desire to stack your chips and leave you outside wondering what the hell went wrong. People speak and act and move for the sake of deception, to mislead you and blur the truth, whether consciously or unconsciously. You ever wonder why the hot girls always told you to be yourself? It’s so they can spot your bitch ass a mile away and never fuck you.

Everyone thinks they know best

That middle aged overweight coworker? He thinks he knows how to get girls. That male vegan feminist? He thinks he knows how to get girls. Your college virgin roommate? Thinks he knows how to get girls. Every single person who sits down at the poker table thinks they know best. It is not gambling like roulette or blackjack, everyone sits down and thinks they can beat the game.

There is no ‘right way to play’

Poker, like girls and life, offers a million different ways to express yourself and approach obstacles. Poker is an insanely complicated game of rock-paper-scissors, you can only exploit each other and ‘trade mistakes’. If there were one perfect way to play poker (or RPS) everyone would play that way and there would be no game. Girls are the same way. You have inherent strengths and weaknesses, maybe you a party hard socialite, or musically talented introvert, or a determined body builder. There is no one single way to get girls, succeed at life, or play cards. You can only push your edges and minimize your weaknesses.

Eventually the cream rises to the top

If you keep getting your money in good (as a statistical favorite), if you keep approaching cute girls and keep hitting the gym, eventually you will level up. You will move to higher stakes, you will get that promotion, and you will get a hotter, younger girlfriend. It might take days, weeks, even months. The harder it is to obtain your goal, the more you will cherish it.

When you’re playing against a stacked deck, compete even harder. Show the world how much you’ll fight for the winners circle. If you do, someday the cellophane will crackle off a fresh pack, one that belongs to you, and the cards will be stacked in your favor.
-Pat Riley”

So keep your head down, keep your mouth shut and keep grinding away gentlemen. We can only play the hand we were dealt.

The Major Leagues

“You’re just meeting the wrong kind of girl”

“You don’t want a girl like that”

“You shouldn’t have to change for anyone”

We have all been fed these kinds of lines before, from our mothers and well meaning friends. The underlying message is you don’t have to change to be happy. You can rationalize why you aren’t getting what you want in life, to make yourself feel better. You should stay exactly the same, with your same group of friends, dating the same mediocre girls, in your easy but not stressful job. Why adapt and improve yourself when you can jerk off and fall asleep wondering why you aren’t attracting the girls you want?

If a baseball player was batting 0 after 20 years at bat, do you think the coach is going to tell him “Just wait for the right pitch to come?” If he stepped up to the plate for 20 years with the exact same swing, he would be ridiculed for not adapting.

He could swing at more pitches (approaching), he could change his mindset (inner confidence) or even change the fundamental way he swings at the ball (how you attract people). If he was batting 0 after years of playing, it’s obvious to everyone he needs to change something.

Why don’t people have the same attitude about dating? If you are doing the same thing year after year, how can you expect different results? It’s insanity.

Change yourself to meet your goals, whether they be personal, professional, or relationship.

You wouldn’t expect a baseball player to bat 0 in the majors and complain about the pitching.

So what gives you the right?

My awakening

When I was a child, I remember my mother telling me that reading and writing and math will become “real” when I finally attend school. That things that happen before enrollment were not “real life” and that big changes were going to occur. I believed my mother, and cringed at the stress that awaited me at school, only to be hopelessly disappointed.

In primary school I remember the same speech, from a different authority figure. “Be prepared for the intermediate grades, the teachers won’t coddle you like us, that’s when the real academia starts”. Again, full of fear, I awaited the horror that 4th grade and beyond held for me (not to mention we weren’t allowed to play on the treehouse anymore, since it was on the “little kids” side). Of course, I learned 4th grade was just as meaningless and silly as 3rd grade, and all the grades before.

In 7th grade, teachers were very, very adamant about high school. “You won’t understand it until you see it!” they cry. “High school is where life actually starts, everything before this was just preparation for it.” Skeptical in my adolescence, I pondered whether or not high school really would be that intense. But it being more than 5x the size and attendance to my old school, fear took over and I once again trusted my elders. This time, it had to be real.

Arriving in high school, I learned that classes are exactly the same. Homework was completed in a matter of minutes (if I ever bothered) and class was mundane and rarely interesting or helpful. Late high school, and examinations start! “Beware!” the teachers stressed, “post-secondary is when life matters, and responsibility is thrown upon you!”. The adults all work in cohesion now, spitting out the same story that university makes or breaks your entire future, life, career, success, and your identity. “Without going to university, you will be a failure in life and certainly cement your likelihood at becoming homeless” (Yes, the exact words of a concerned adult). Being lied to my entire life, I finally clue in. It will be exactly like high school.

This is where most ‘regular’ people will disagree, but unless you are in a STEM field it’s a fallacy. Post-secondary is based upon your level of effort, and not your intelligence. Those who work hard will do better than those who are smart. I have never attended university (been to several lectures) but the coursework is actually easier than it is at colleges who attempt to transfer there.

This led me to an epiphany. We have barely progressed beyond our responsibility of what we had in kindergarten. If you still live at home, or have your parents pay for anything (yes I mean anything), you are not grown up, you are not mature, and you are not responsible. You are riding out an extended adolescence that our generation has been forced into.

At times I wish there were a great war, or a depression, or some kind of test that our generation would face so we could objectively look at ourselves in the mirror and know what real pain is, what we would actually die for. I think back to my life and the most traumatic experiences so far has come from a couple instances of heartbreak, a stab wound from being a foolish youth, and a couple physical encounters with drug addicts. I would not call any of these things character building or accomplishments.

When you take a step back and realize that somebody is profiting off of every lie you have been fed to fit into this system. A girl just wants to be friends? She wants you to wife her up when she’s 33 and unwanted. Professor tells you to stay in school for that Psychology degree? He needs a job. Government wants you take out loans and get an ‘education’ for 5 years and 50,000? I wonder who profits.

You need to do what is best for you, not for your friends, girlfriend, neighbours or professors. Anytime someone speaks a truism to you, you need to think ‘Who does this benefit and why?”. Put yourself first, then you can help others.

As a man without strength, you have no value and no business helping others. Build it, and then they will come.