1st day out after bootcamp

I took a bootcamp with Yad learning the London Daygame Model a month ago, and it was a good success and I will write a post about it soon. I went out last week with a friend and it was an absolute disaster, I didn’t approach any girls and the vibe was all off. I think this was because I wanted to ‘show’ him the skills I learned on the bootcamp, but I won’t be gaming with this good friend for a while until I know it’s changed.

I met up with a guy who I met through mutual friends who has solid game. We get along quite well, he has a great mindset, masculine job, and followed the classic zero to hero when he found PUA and the London Daygame model. We had a great vibe and he pushed me to approach my first set which got me going. It’s great too because he loves feminine latina’s + eastern europeans (most do) but I’ve got the worst case of feels for asian girls, so we rarely see the same target.

Onto the approaches.

#1 – Miya – asian girl with fur coat, mid 20s professional. Very fashionable.

I had a strong stop and she hooked easily. She gave me space to spit my game and I teased her a little bit. My stacking and assumption game is weak, Yad mentioned I don’t get into ‘enticing’ (sexual/exciting) conversation enough. Got her # and this boosted my state. No reply yet since the next day

#2 Erika – asian girl in yoga pants, typical western girl early 20s

Strong stop again but didn’t get her to hook. Maybe energy was too high but I managed to get her to stay in set for maybe 2 minutes, but she clearly wasn’t interested. She was sick as a dog and looked like shit (still pretty) but maybe she felt it was disingenuous because she looked like hell. No number didn’t get there.

#3 Mika – Fob girl from Shanghai, studying english mid 20s

I went inside a mall to go to the washroom and after I came out this delicate little girl had a shopping bag and I opened her on the escalator. I assumed familiarity well and poked at her bag and said “ooo sexy lingerie for your boyfriend? show me!”. She was shy and delicate, said she was waiting for her friends and I teased her about them being imaginary. Bantered for a few minutes, moved her to the side away from foot traffic and lots of touching + teasing. Interaction was maybe 3-4 minutes and got a #. She replied within an hour.

#4 Chinese girl dressed from Paris

I yad stopped her on an open street, she was basically in a sprint. Thought I gave enough space but she couldn’t comprehend someone would stop her on the street. She looked behind her as if I couldn’t be talking to a stranger.

#5 Anny – early 20s born + raised here

This girl is my ideal type. She got the long wavy hair, big googly eyes as an asian, thin body. I call these girls bad ass bitches because they usually attached to some jacked gangster dude who is tatted up. Krauser calls this my DNA tug I think. I swooned hard and in my positive state I knew I had to go approach.

I tried to stop her at first, and she said hi and kept walking. This dude behind me looked at me and wasn’t what I was doing. With zero hesitation I went to stop her again. Hard yad stop and I said “I’m too stubborn for this, you’re gonna give me a shot” and she hooked. I had moments of hesitation where I couldn’t keep the banter up, as usual my stacking needs work. I am pretty good at natural touching + teasing, however I still need to amp it up more.

I put her on the spot a few times. “You’re just a local, that’s a bit boring” “Where have you traveled before?”

She was quick as a whip, I asked her where she traveled and she said “Oh, I’ve only been to Hawaii, haven’t traveled much”. Then she quickly reframed “Have YOU been to Hawaii?”

Haha, cute as fuck. Got a number but wish I pushed for an Idate. She is texting back often. My state skyrocketed after this.

#6 docile esl japanese girl

Approached her as she was leaning on a shopping window. She had zero skills and I couldn’t get her to stick, this was mostly hopeless.

#7 Jessica the model

This girl had the googly eyes and my wing pushed me to approach her. I wasn’t really that into her but upon approaching she was actually stunning.

This was a good example of a girl who looks really unhappy and having a resting bitch face. Upon opening her though she was absolutely sweet. She had nothing to do for the whole day. I bounced her to an idate for 20 minutes. She was very compliant and I flirted and teased her a little bit. Again, the same interview questions came up though and while it was fun I’m not sure I polarized myself enough.

She had good eye contact, confident girl It’s interesting that model girls I’ve met through day don’t seem to proud of the fact they are a model. It’s probably because they’d rather be known for their qualities other than their beauty.

Bounced her to instant date pretty quickly grabbed a coffee and chatted for 20 minutes. Worried I did interview game again but thought it went well she was asking questions and engaged. So far, no text back in 2 days, will ping her tomorrow.

# 8 Ayako – Japanese girl street intersection late 20s

This was on my walk back to meet my friend after the instant date. She was spacing out hard in a busy intersection. I asked her “omg are you alright? You look like your dog just died”. She wasn’t that cute but not bad. My state carried it the whole way, closed her # quickly and met my friend. I chose not to text her

#9 Jenn – Teenager/early 20s student in busy mall, chinese.

Approached her as she was looking at the map for directions. She was quite confident and articulate for a girl so small. Had the presence of a lion. We spoke about weird things, she was certainly quirky (and not in that obnoxious hipster trashy way). Had a run in with a white knight, still managed to # close. She texted back quickly.

9 Approaches, 6 numbers and an instant date. Anny and Jessica are true beauties and I really hope to see them again. Jenn + Mika are quite cute and I’d enjoy seeing them again.

Strengths

When my state is on, I am unstoppable.
Bundle of energy, and I stay on course if I don’t get the initial hook.
Strong yad stops.
I do well with kino + natural touching.

Weaknesses

Still let a few approaches get away, but less than the bootcamp.
Fall into interview mode too often, need to banter more.
Weak text game
Still very reliant on state/outcome dependent

Happy with the results so far. This will give about 50 approaches under the London Daygame Model. I’ve had good success with ‘basic’ guy game where I let my instincts take over, be vulnerable with my attraction + intention but I will give this model at least 2-300 approaches before I write it off. It’s gotten me dates and numbers of girls I’m really into it.

Viva Daygame!

One step forward, two steps back

I’ve always been bad at breaking up with girls.

Whether I’ve loved them, liked them or couldn’t care about them.

Whether I thought we were destined to break up, date for a while, or get married.

It never mattered because I would habitually break up with them, have a few weeks of “freedom” and miss them and then convince her to take me back.

Some girls let me do this once to them, most girls let it happen several times, one even let it happen 15 times. But the story was always the same.

I get bored, or horny and I break up. I meet/date/fuck a new girl. New girl and I mess around for 2-3 weeks. I miss the ex, drop new girl and get back together with ex.

I had it down to a system. I could write an e-book about this shit and sell it. I wasn’t self aware of my emotional manipulation, of how I was always getting these girls back, but it did follow a timeline/blueprint of sorts.

But I never understood why I always broke up and got back together. What were the reasons behind my actions?

Maybe it was comfort, maybe it was enjoying the status quo, maybe it was me not wanting to go back into the dating world with a wounded ego.

None of this made sense though. I would have trouble breaking up with girls even if I had several others on the go. It wasn’t scarcity or a lack of options. It wasn’t fear of jumping back into the dating scene.

But even when I knew I would never date a girl long-term, or even monogamously I still kept her around in the worst kind of way. Having her hang on to scraps of my affection, trying to win my heart over, putting in 100% effort while I put in 20%.

I probably stumbled onto some sort of good “Relationship Game” and how relationships are supposed to be, but I was never happy feeling relative apathy towards my girls.

Yet I’ve been on the other side, the “Beta” bitch side where my girl is my world and I am madly in love with no masculine edge or leadership, and I’ve been burned by that before too. I’m no bitch and I know the man should lead the relationship and fulfill the masculine role. Both sexes are happiest this way. But why do I have this habit? Why do I stay with girls long after I’ve checked out mentally. Like an athlete that can’t retire after his star has burned out, struggling against Father Time as he wastes away. Think Kobe firing up 100 shots while limping to the finish line, dragging the Lakers win total into the mud with it.

To give an example, I met a girl 18 months ago at a party. This cute, shy, sensitive Chinese girl, 19 years old. My buddy calls them “Googly eyed Asians” and basically, any asian girl with big, expressive eyes + a cute face is my kryptonite.

googly-eyed-asian
“googly eyed Asian, close to a 10 for me”
She knew me in the sports community and I had social status from playing on the university/club teams, as well as coaching high school programs. We danced a bit that night, I took her out a couple of times and popped her cherry.

She and I dated for a few months while she knew I was seeing others. I was the only one she was seeing. This girl was a virgin and taught me the meaning that there is no such thing as a ‘good girl’ (halfway through our first bang I started to hold her down + choke her, and she looked at me and said slap me). Eventually I grew bored of her. I wish I could phrase this any other way but I lost the spark and I dropped her over text. A selfish, immature play and she’s quite sensitive so it made it that much worse.

Fast forward a year to this past August and I see her at a party in the summer, for a sport tournament. I was wasted, she was buzzed. I was also in a relatively lean place with girls, coming back from traveling only having a single girl in my rotation. I ran the same script I always do when it comes to girls who I’ve burned and how to win back their hearts.

I rev up the emotions, tell her I miss her without being needy. With this girl I know she has low self esteem so I turn up the sappy emotions, turn down the asshole. You always know internally whether a girl sees you as a legit bad boy, or a nice guy with edge. There’s a big difference.

So I chatted with her for a bit, learned she had a boyfriend, revved up her emotions and then proceeded to run around the party for a bit. Met with her later and spent a couple hours with her, she was guarded + resistant as hell. I managed to smooth it over and within two dates we are fucking again.

At the time, both at the party and while going on dates with her (before fucking) I genuinely believed that there’s a <0% that we end up together. I’m not intentionally playing her along just to fuck, I would never do that.

However the same script happened again. I alpha widowed her a year ago, we start fucking on the side and within a month I am bored of her. She’s heart broken, hasn’t broken up with her boy, because she wants to be with me. I have mistreated her, unintentionally, and yet it’s the same story every time.

I ask myself the same questions.

Is this scarcity mindset?

Am I a terrible person?

Why do I always do this?

Maybe I am close to a breakthrough of “The Red Pill” in seeing women’s duplicity and actions for what they are. I get glimpses of the Matrix through the actions of girls who are head over heels in love with me.

I go through a cycle with every girl I date. Most girls stick around in a mini relationship with me for 4-8 months. There are 2 basic types: the party girls + the good girls.

The party girls I meet at a club, Tinder, or music events. We party + drink together + fuck a lot. She usually has more experience than I with drinking + drugs, or its equal. After 6-8 months they want commitment, I would never “wife up a hoodrat”. Even if I like a girl, The Red Pill taught me that you should never commit to a party girl, a girl with a high notch count, my ego and pride would never allow it, no matter how much fun I really do have with them.

So after dropping a party girl, I swing back to meeting “good girls”. I meet them through day game, mutual friends, cafes + sport communities. With good girls I take the lead, take them out to ‘proper’ dates, rarely take drugs + alcohol with them, or if I do it’s ME who is the expert, not HER. I show her new exciting experiences, she falls in love with me cause I’m a “good guy” but I’m not boring like the rest. I play poker for a living, I travel, I do drugs. Within 3-4 months (faster than the party girls) she wants commitment, and I try it. I really do try. But within 2 months of committing I’m bored and I want to party, I want to do drugs, I want the bad, slutty girls who I would never wife up. So the good girl gets left behind.

With a broken heart.

For months.

Until I see her at the next party.

We are what we repeatedly do

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit” – Aristotle

It’s been a long while since I’ve updated. I have been struggling with consistency on extra activity outside poker and gym/diet. I haven’t been approaching, I have barely been going out. After my break up with Jennie, the last girl I had more than affection for, I broke up poorly with Erika the Korean. Since then I’ve gone out a couple of times, gotten drunk/high and been with only mediocre girls.

The first girl I’ve been seeing regularly is a 19 year old Chinese Canadian party girl with all of the red flags you can imagine. Took a gap year to travel, multiple partners at a time, lives on campus at a major university, parents not involved. I met her at a club drunk as hell and took her home first night no questions asked. Her body is tight, but her face is meh. I don’t love spending time with her but it serves my ego to know my fuck game is right to have a hood rat coming back for more.

The second is my first Russian girl. She’s a 27 year old professional, very few partners, very traditional. She was married young and had a sexless marriage while the pair built a business, moved here and divorced and is now working full-time. I am bored by her presence but it is refreshing her feminine energy. She cooks for me, feeds me while we watch movies or I play online. Whenever I am with her she never touches her phone, always entirely present when we are together. The exact opposite of a girl born here. She is long and lithe, however it’s becoming clear to me how addicted I am to Asian girls. This girl is sexy by all accounts, I’ve shown her pic to friends and they all approve, but I have no sex drive around her. It’s kind of incredible.

Contrast that to the Korean Erika who was also feminine, present + cared for me, and the fact that I was like a dog in heat around her 3-4x a day in a 8 hour period. Gives me a bit of a shot in the gut because I was content, just bored.

So I have hit a bit of a lonely road complex. I go to the gym and casino, don’t spend a lot of time with friends and if I do go out I’m rarely sober. Garbage in, garbage out. The more I see mediocre girls the more my subconscious believes this is what I deserve. This creates a feedback cycle where I don’t approach girls I am actually excited about. I keep using the excuse that I am leaving soon, I have a one-way ticket to Vietnam in early April.

Consistency is the key to all this. If I get a good sleep, stay sober and aggressive in my pursuit of girls I really like, while also making myself better every day good things will happen.

At the moment it’s almost like I do not want to succeed. I stay up late working on my poker game watching videos, playing online, even when I know I am going out the next day. So then the weekend comes, I am exhausted and I use stimulants and other things to stay energetic and I simply smash mediocre girls where I feel entitled to their affection.

The benefit to this is I know how to act like a king around women. I do this subconsciously with mediocre girls but having this intention with all women, especially hot girls, will exponentially increase my success.

The feedback cycle is something we are all familiar with.

Shy guy sees cute girl on the transit. He thinks about what it would be like to talk to her. He never approaches. She gets off the bus and he wonders what if. His thoughts “I am a shy guy, it’s weird to approach strangers and talk to a cute girl” become his actions (not approaching the cute girl) which manifests the results (no approach, no interaction).

Compare that to a guy who thinks positive. He sees a cute girl and thinks “Why not? It cannot hurt, I am a cool guy who goes after what he wants”. He approaches girl. The result does not even matter in this particular case because his attitude creates a positive feedback loop either way. If he gets a number/date or even just a pleasant conversation his mind reinforces the belief that he is a social guy and attractive. Even if she is unpleasant the belief is “What a poor girl, I hope her day turns out better”. He knows there is nothing wrong with him, because of his thoughts.

I know what I have to start doing (we all do). The hard part is actually doing it.

The Darkest Hour

Optimus Prime: Do not grieve. Soon I shall be one with the Matrix.
Hot Rod: Prime.
Optimus Prime: Ultra Magnus, it is to you, old friend, I shall pass the Matrix of Leadership as it was passed to me.
Ultra Magnus: But Prime, I’m… I’m just a soldier. I… I’m not worthy.
Optimus Prime: Nor was I. But one day, an Autobot shall rise from our ranks, and use the power of the Matrix to light our darkest hour.
Optimus Prime: Until that day, till all are one.

I have been playing my C-game at the table all this week and lost a significant sum of money. The most I’ve ever lost in a short period ever. It is not due to luck but rather my mental state and mental game.

I have been impatient and undisciplined. I have not been focused or locked in. My mental schema is a total mess. I have several theories.

  1. I feel it’s unfair a friend of mine is playing well and and getting very lucky because I feel I work harder than him
  2. My mental focus is in a fog because of my break up.
  3. The stress of losing consistently and playing poorly feeds into that fog and makes it worse. Making the cycle feel permanent.

The mental focus can be imagined like a pie chart of your focus. When you first started to learn how to drive a car, your mind was filled with 100 things. When to shift gears, your mirrors, your spacing in the lane, pedestrians, everything. You could probably not hold a conversation because your focus was so full and required at the task at hand.

After a while, you learned all the nuances and became comfortable. You can fiddle with your stereo, talk with friends, and even play with your phone while driving with your legs. Your mind is free to focus on other things.

So the break up has caused a mental anguish before I even sit down. I feel stressed and forcing myself to play, which causes a host of problems, which encourages the negative feedback loop to continue. I am constantly on ‘auto pilot’ in a bad way. I react with an instant reaction to my hand, and look to force spots to make more aggressive actions. In layman’s terms I am looking to gamble, not play poker.

I will no longer be a victim of circumstance though. These troubling times have created many positive habits that I have been consistent with. I have been crushing the gym and my diet, I am looking lean as hell and on my way to a natural 6 pack. It forced the start of this blog to share my insight and deal with my own shit. I am also doing gratitude and mindset exercises to get back on the horse.

I will be focusing on making money for the next month or so. Once I get out of this whole I will be embarking on a 30 day approach program to solidify my day game which I’ll share here.

I’ll have another post coming soon about my dates with 2 different Korean girls, and how I ‘overgamed’ and was inauthentic. I managed to get Erika out again and my affectionate natural state came out and she is now head over heels for me. It will keep focused without having to go out and find new girls while I grind the gym and the tables.

I am thankful for this stress. It is a great opportunity to become better. It will sharpen and chisel me into a better man if I choose the right path. Once I conquer myself mentally, I can conquer anything.

Weekend Warrior

I have been not playing well at the casino lately, I believe this to be caused by a host of reasons. A lack of patience after a great October, envy towards a good friend of mine and his easy life (or merely my perception that his life is easy), and a feeling that I am ‘behind’ in my life (which is a ridiculous notion that implies I am letting society or other’s expectations influence my own happiness, not a good sign).

So I made an effort to go out Friday and Saturday night to make some friends and meet some girls, take a break from the casino.

Friday night I was stone cold sober, I met a friend of mine downtown T and was introduced to his good friend G. G and I chatted and got along well, and I hit on a couple cute blonde girls (I almost exclusively go for asians, but we were at a white bar).

I was good at introducing and my warm energy was on spot, but I never aggressively went after my target until much later in the night. I found out way too late she had a boyfriend and it’s my own fault for not being more aggressive and potentially finding another girl. Not that I was invested in getting laid that night, but I was certainly out of practice in night game.

Positives are I made a couple new friends, the girl and G, who I think I will see again. I also met a band member that plays at the bar every week.

Negatives are I was in my head a bit too much and wasn’t closing. I understand that night game is hard and fast screening, something I am not as comfortable with.

Saturday I took some phenibut and met up with some friends I met at a rave in Las Vegas. Couple of cool guys I get along with, one a selfish beta type who leeches state and I met a couple other guys who I am apathetic towards. It was a weird night.

My state was hugely elevated due to the phenibut and a couple beers. Phenibut in essence decreases your alcohol tolerance (it takes a lot for me to get drunk) and decreases social anxiety. It basically makes me more energetic and talkative with little to no social anxiety. It’s fun but I don’t do it often. We started drinking in a park and I saw a cute girl walking with her friend so I jumped in and started chatting them up. They were heading home so I brought them with my group and we all eventually headed to get food and then a pub.

My girl J was really cute, she has the big doe eyes I like in asian girls, and big lips. Her friend was chubby but not ugly, which caused a lot of attention from people downtown. If I was talking with friends, dudes would hit on either one of them. I left them a couple of times unguarded in the pub or outside and guys would swoop in a heartbeat. I was in social butterfly mood so I was looking to meet new people rather than get laid but it’s clear I can’t have multiple goals in a night.

After we left the pub I had to stop my friend from fighting a dude on the street. This guy John had sat at our table and ordered pitchers and tried to not pay for them. It was trivial like $20 but it’s amazing how much people wish to leech off of you in night game. In the 5 minutes I lost the two girls as two random dudes off the street invited them back to their apartment! I called them they came back but the 2 guys offered to bring me along to their apartment. I obliged as I couldn’t exactly leave my girl alone, but this was new territory.

At the apartment it certainly felt like the two of them had a game going on where one would distract me with conversation under the guise of making friends while the other tried to isolate my girl. I originally felt that maybe I was being paranoid but the house owner after an hour or so tried to start a fight with me. I was saying I was going to leave around 4 am to go meet my friends and head home, he said he didn’t want me to drive drunk so I had to stay or leave in that moment.

It was funny because his other friend attempted to be on my side but I am convinced now it was a silly act they had cooked up. I bounced as both girls were kinda passed out and I am not convinced anything happened, but wouldn’t be surprised if it did. Met up with friends and continued to drink until morning.

Girls have the attention span of children and I cannot be surprised that while helping my boys they were going to wander. I am glad I got a little bit out of my system, I need to make more time to be a social butterfly. It’s necessary for my health and happiness, just like proper sleep and exercise.

Replay Value

I have a theme for my relationships that is recurring and consistent. I’ll settle down with a girl who I find cute but is not mainstream hot. We will date for 8-10 months, I’ll start to feel I can do better. I’ll get restless and think about all the golden pussy I could be slaying in the streets.

So I dump her.

Then in my days after I am full of vigor and go meet a few new girls, sleep with a couple, and compare them to my last girl. Dagonet discusses this phenomenon in Terminal Oneitis.

So after I compare the girls to my ex I get a little lonely, and I get back with the old girl. This never ends particularly well, I believe it only delays the inevitable. But the girl always takes me back, as I have a silver tongue and can always paint a picture and manipulate emotions. I even had this skill in my blue pill days.

I tried to do this a couple weeks ago with my ex girlfriend J, and I waited too long. J found a new dude, opposite of me. He is the ‘safe’ type, she never really loved the fact that I play cards. A part of me knows this break up is good for me long term. I did not think our age difference (she’s 28 I am 25) or how hot she was (cute, but not super attractive) means it was going to work. However I was happy. In the short term (next year) it made a LOT of sense because I can focus on my game and not have to worry about pussy.

J honestly had a positive impact on my life, and I wanted to strive to do better.

So why the fuck did I break it off?

I wonder if I hold myself to this “Red Pill Ideal” of the virgin immigrant who knows nothing of our western civilization and just follows my lead dutifully. J was everything I have been warned about. She’s 28 (nearing the wall), decent job working finance for a real estate company (career woman) and has her belly button pierced (carousel ride anyone?).

Yet I had a 19 year old submissive [ex]virgin D dote on me hand and foot for weeks and I dumped the teenager so I could be with J. I could do anything with D and get away with it, I was her emotional addiction. I could call her up at 2 am to help me bury a body and she would bring the shovels. I threw away (happily) because I was bored with her. It felt like too much work while I was with her and I couldn’t be bothered. I was only interested in her for the sex.

Am I holding myself to someone else’s standards? Do I really want the feminine innocent girl?

Am I so blind to what I was feeling during the relationship (staleness, like I could do better) because of my emotions and loneliness now? Or did I actually lose something important to me because my ego prodded me to do better?

This is the 3rd girl I have done this with. Some I even cheat on, break up with, then get them back days or weeks later.

My ego does not allow me to sit idly by with a single girl even if I am attached. This is a feature, not a bug. But I always regret the decision a few weeks later after my drug is taken away.

I have to wonder if this is something I need to work on (inner game or whatever). It’s clear this is a recurring theme with my relationships. Either I should trust my intuition while in the relationship (feeling of staleness, knowing we will not last) or I need better coping mechanisms after the break up. With no close male friends I am having difficulty with somewhere to go.

Thankfully Rivelino reached out to me again and his recent blog post “The sweet drug called feminine sexual affection” really hit me hard, so I’ll be reading 60’s books this week.

It’s Friday night on Halloween in a big and I’m 25 years old and heading to the casino to go work after I finish this post. I texted 20 of my closest buddies and they all with girlfriends or staying in. There’s a lot of work to be done (and I feel fine).

Ego is one hell of a drug.