Your Ex-Lover is Dead

If there’s one thing about game I was naturally good at, it was getting back together with ex girlfriends.

My first relationship was the typical late bloomer hottie who was insecure and I must have dumped her 15 times only to get bring her back over the course of 3.5 years.

One time she even started dating a close friend of mine for a month, and I still managed to play puppeteer.

If there’s one thing I have learned from all these breakups is that there is a timeline of how to get an ex girlfriend back. First you must go cold turkey and not talk to her. The sweet spot is right around 3 weeks where you have let her miss you, she’s feeling a little lonely and she probably hasn’t looked to replace you yet.

You text her or call her in a moment of weakness, preferably at night. The cycle is simple, you pour out your heart, get her emotional and move things forward.

The script is flipped and and infinitely more complicated if you were dumped, or if she believes she dumped you. If you waited longer than a month and she has a new man, I think the door is closed. If she initiated the break up, she’s already considered this for several weeks, and tried to encourage the man to do it himself, before finally getting frustrated and taking charge.

You have no hope at this point.

Your ex-lover is dead.

The girl you knew is gone. She existed in a moment with you in that relationship in that time frame. She is no longer the same person with you, because you’ve changed in her eyes. Whether she is apathetic towards you, or she lost attraction towards you, or she replaced you with a new man. Anything you try to recreate at this point is artificial. A hologram of what you once held.

Rollo has two great posts on this War Brides and Rooting Through Garbage.

A girl who is already on the way out, will only be repelled by your affection and your expressions of love. This is why most pickup advice revolves around making yourself better, not texting her, going off the grid. A relationship can be akin to an open palm of sand. If you feel frightened and try to close your fist around the sane, it falls through your fingers. Even if you open your palm afterwards, it will never be the same.

This is why the men are encouraged to find new ones, because it’s easier to kindle a new love, than it is to use the ashes of an old flame. You can never recreate what once was, so you may as well start chopping down some trees for the next fires.

The reason it’s so hard is because men and women love differently, but I’ll get into that another time.


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